I am the gatekeeper. Are you the keymaster?

16 Mar

Leaving aside for a minute that one time I got really drunk and accidentally flirted my way into bed with a bartender using the above quote from Ghostbusters (Seriously, leave that aside.), right now I am using it to illustrate how terrified I am by my computer keyboard.

Why? Because the simplest facts of our lives are colored by all sorts of old and arbitrary decisions—the original reasons for which have mostly been forgotten. Why are all doorknobs on the right, for instance? Why the hell is a mathematical foot longer than an at-the-end-of-your-leg foot? Why are computers square? Who made chihuahuas look like that and, seriously, why? WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY KEYBOARD?!

I know what you are thinking.

(“But have you ever seen the back of a $20 bill ON WEED???) <—- That’s what you are thinking.

But I am serious.

Look at your keyboard. It is called a QWERTY keyboard because the first six letters in the upper left hand corner are Q W E R T and Y. It was designed to help people avoid frequently typing two letters that are next to each other, which would jam the machines. You know this. But here’s what you don’t know:

“Typewriter” was a brand name. And in order to help salesmen type it back when they were first invented, the folks who made the original QWERTY keyboard put all the letters in “typewriter” in the top row.

Go ahead and look.

This is a thing you can never unknow.

Tyyyyyyyppppppppeeeeewwwwwwwrrrrriiiittttteeeerrrrrrrrrrrr

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One Response to “I am the gatekeeper. Are you the keymaster?”

  1. Bad Idea Bear March 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    “Stewardesses” is the longest word one can type with the left hand. They did this because left-handed stewardesses give the best mile-high HJs.

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