Would be ski invitee. Glee! (Part I)

11 Feb

It’s been a long time. I shouldn’ta left you. Without a dope post to step to (step to. step to. a-step to)

What do you mean that’s a song?

What do you mean Aliyah just rolled over in her grave?

*Ahem*

I apologize for falling unceremoniously off the grid (also a table, but I’ll get to that). I was off seeking adventure in the Colorado rockies, where I was invited on a press trip for the new Sebastian Hotel in Vail Village.

Hold on a sec while I shill for this lodge, and not just because they totally hooked me up. The staff is unbelievably cool, the lobby looks like the living room of my dreams–complete with a freestanding open fireplace–and no one yells at you if you lounge around in the outdoor hot tubs in the snow…with a margarita. It’s pretty much the best place on earth ever.

That said, there’s a lot of scary shit in Vail, what with sinuous mountain passes covered in ice and potential leg breakery and not realizing that if you drink and dance on a table at high altitudes you run a very real risk of looking like an idiot.

…Oh, that can happen anywhere?

Well, there are also big, occasionally snarly dogs, apparently, because I met some on a dogsledding day trip down near Beaver Creek. We got out of the vans and I immediately ran over to pet one of the Alaskan huskies, which are not quite as uniform-looking as Siberian huskies, but are equally adorable.

“Hi dog. hi hi hi hihihihihihi. Oh my god you are so cute i want to make Alaskan husky ice cream out of….”

Dog: “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.”

“Ok. Not into the ice cream. I dig it. You’re still very…”

Dog: *turns to dog next to him. Snarls. Barks. Jumps. Growls. Makes threatening faces.*

“Seriously dog, what the shit?”

It turns out that this particular dog, who is perfectly safe with people, for the record, hates his brother. Go figure I pick the dog with family issues. The two of them sit there and growl at each other for about 20 minutes while we pet the rest of the more relaxed fluffbuckets, then take off running like nothing ever happened once we’re loaded into the sled.

I’m adding dogsledding to my list of things you can’t do without a stupid smile on your face, because even though I looked like the red baron in my ski goggles and scarf as we’re hurtling around a modified bobsled track in the backwoods of the Rockies,  the dogs looked even more ridiculous rolling in the snow whenever they took a break. You can’t help imagining your little pekingese peering on in sled dog envy. And laughing. They even eat the snow. It’s cuter than three kittens in a bucket.

After our midmountain hot chocolate break (did I mention I love these people?), it was my turn to steer.

Mountain man: “Ok, so you just stand on these posts in between my legs here, and yell ‘HIKE’ and the dogs will go.”

One Bad: “Hike!”

8 dogs:

*yawn*

*yawn*

*considers moving, thinks better of it*

*fighting with brother*

*also fighting with brother*

*yawn*

*busy eating snow*

*chews balls*

One Bad: “Why am I so BAD AT THIS!?!”

Mountain Man: “Oh, they just don’t know you. HIKE!”

Dogs: *haul ass*

So I’m trying to stand on these little wooden posts in my North Carolina -bought running sneakers and not get hurled off into a coyote hole or a frozen lake while the sled hurtles down a man-made ravine at about 35 miles an hour, getting air on the bumps. And it is AWESOME.

Sled dogs, man. They’re almost as badass as the honey badger….Almost.

(shout out to my man Numba One Punna over at Delighted Domiciles for the link)

—-TO BE CONTINUED——

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