The Other Lode

10 Jan

I figured out how they came up with this shit.

I imagine all the grocery stores in Chinatown to be like medieval fortresses, where if you accidentally stray into a back room looking for a dragon fruit, you could end up in this ridiculous Russian doll situation and wander around for weeks. You’d go through one door and be like, “Weird! There are live chickens in here!”  And then you’d want to leave, but there would be another door, and hey, since you’re already in here and everything, you’d have to go through it, and then there would be some knock-off purses, which you were expecting. But then in the next room there would be like an entire circus family and miniature acrobatic equipment and stuff. And then you’d get to the dragon fruit.

Anyway, I kept hoping I made this up, but then on Saturday I was craving ramen noodles and I wanted to put weird vegetables in it like my old Vietnamese roommate used to, so I went to Chinatown to investigate. The first store I went to had light green things that looked like bok choy, but also white and green things that looked like bok choy, and also darker green things that looked like bok choy. I was very confused so I got all three of them (the light green ones are the best) and was going to walk to the back of the store to look for pallets of spicy ramen noodles.

There was a doorway in the middle of the store that led to another grocery store, which was disconcerting enough, but then I got to the back of THAT store and someone had left a door ajar that led to a room filled with the most rotten fruit I have ever seen in my life. There were persimmons in there that were mere hours away from sprouting legs and becoming video game villains.

As I was standing there horrified that one of the half-melted persimmons would come after me like a Super Mario Brothers ghost if I stopped looking directly at it, one of the shop owners came in and was like, “Hey! What you doing in here!?”

And then I found this weird pink squirrel tongue-looking thing in the ramen I bought.

I think it’s a warning.

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One Response to “The Other Lode”

  1. acleansurface January 10, 2011 at 4:01 am #

    You made me snicker.

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